Complaining again ...?... you ungrateful thing...
..sigh ... this is what I tell myself whenever , my heavy heart forces me to shed down some burden ...
Last night .. I took the last coach , and fortunately it dropped me near the sea ... it was kind of deserted so i wandered down to the water .....and sat there on the wet sand .... then cursed myself that I will have to wash my cloths now , because it was wet .
and then immersed my feets in the waves , closed my eyes and tried to think of God . in the hope that may , just may be , he will appear out of no where when no one is around and at least listen to me...
..then I felt , the waves are trying to say something to me , gently knocking on the door of my soul , I kept my eyes closed and tried to listen .
... i thought they were trying to say , that i should tell the God about my miseries , about my problem , about the nearly monolithic perpetual state of Pain I am in , I felt my heart opening , but it was too dark , only the waves and their sound ...
so I asked why ..? why am I being tried , and tried for so long , the cruel heart of mine laughed .. because you are always complaining , I asked for how long will this continue , he laughed again , and said ...as long as he likes .
...then it said , your miseries are nothing , compared to some others so forget about them ...beside he is busy and not interested in your miserable always whining and crying , you are alive , you should be grateful for that ,.... I said and what about him being merciful ....... and in response , it just laughed and laughed and laughed ....and in that laughter , another laugher merged .. these were the waves , now laughing along him ...
..and with heavy heart , I stood up ... and walked and walked and walked , all the way , some 4-5 kilometers back to my Khooli .... that night while sleeping on the roof , for its too hot , even the fan throws flames instead of air , beside the Bill , Last months Electric Bill , ....why do they always increase the electricity rated in summers...??
..any way ... while on the roof , and looking at the half burned mosquite coil , I looked up , beyond the floating clouds , there were stars ....far far away stars .... looking down at me , with contempt ...and laughing
..Sigh .. i guess i cannot do anything else , except bear it out , for as long as he want , i am kind of his game ..and he loves my miseries and enjoys them , for it being too long 18 plus years , and 8 years since i had a decent meal , a decent home cooked meal ... and i feel a sleep ...
..sigh ... this is what I tell myself whenever , my heavy heart forces me to shed down some burden ...
Last night .. I took the last coach , and fortunately it dropped me near the sea ... it was kind of deserted so i wandered down to the water .....and sat there on the wet sand .... then cursed myself that I will have to wash my cloths now , because it was wet .
and then immersed my feets in the waves , closed my eyes and tried to think of God . in the hope that may , just may be , he will appear out of no where when no one is around and at least listen to me...
..then I felt , the waves are trying to say something to me , gently knocking on the door of my soul , I kept my eyes closed and tried to listen .
... i thought they were trying to say , that i should tell the God about my miseries , about my problem , about the nearly monolithic perpetual state of Pain I am in , I felt my heart opening , but it was too dark , only the waves and their sound ...
so I asked why ..? why am I being tried , and tried for so long , the cruel heart of mine laughed .. because you are always complaining , I asked for how long will this continue , he laughed again , and said ...as long as he likes .
...then it said , your miseries are nothing , compared to some others so forget about them ...beside he is busy and not interested in your miserable always whining and crying , you are alive , you should be grateful for that ,.... I said and what about him being merciful ....... and in response , it just laughed and laughed and laughed ....and in that laughter , another laugher merged .. these were the waves , now laughing along him ...
..and with heavy heart , I stood up ... and walked and walked and walked , all the way , some 4-5 kilometers back to my Khooli .... that night while sleeping on the roof , for its too hot , even the fan throws flames instead of air , beside the Bill , Last months Electric Bill , ....why do they always increase the electricity rated in summers...??
..any way ... while on the roof , and looking at the half burned mosquite coil , I looked up , beyond the floating clouds , there were stars ....far far away stars .... looking down at me , with contempt ...and laughing
..Sigh .. i guess i cannot do anything else , except bear it out , for as long as he want , i am kind of his game ..and he loves my miseries and enjoys them , for it being too long 18 plus years , and 8 years since i had a decent meal , a decent home cooked meal ... and i feel a sleep ...
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